Posts Tagged ‘Rants’

There are dishes to wash, laundry to move from the dryer to the bedroom floor where it goes, and toys to move from the middle of the floor to the corners.

A lonely Gazelle sits in the living room, longing for me to decide exercise was an actual New Year’s Resolution. Maybe I should put the never-opened Yoga-Kickbox Fusion DVD on it for company.

There are gigs on Odesk just screaming my name. My inboxes (yes, there are several) are full of flagged, “get to this later” messages.

My boots on Ebay need checked. Selling, not buying. I want to buy. Buying stuff is fun. I think…it’s been a very long time.

I’ve finished work for my actual job for the day, but there are a few things I need to write ahead on. I also have a few hundred photos I need to work on.

I should take out the trash, dust, and vacuum.

I desperately need to buy groceries, which means I desperately need to sell a few things on Ebay, write some articles for someone, or find something else to do for money.

What I really, really, REALLY want, though…is to sit down with my fuzzy blanket and pick up a book. I used to read 2 or 3 a week. Now, I keep having to start one over because so much time passes between reading the first few chapters and picking it up again, that I lose track of the plot.

I am a bookworm without “the stuff,” going through withdrawals…


It started with a simple desire to do a little cleaning while the tallish minion was in school, and the smallish one was on vacation with his dad. Nothing major, just a little Spring Cleaning without their input and hysterics when I tossed half of the 137 stuffies in the donation bag and threw out a few dozen Happy Meal boxes.

It ended with a destroyed kitchen, a pickup with the bed overflowing, and a storage room emptied and repurposed. Throw in a sprained knee, 9 new bruises, and a sore back. Add the help of two WONDERFUL friends.

The ultimate result was that the minions’ shared room became the tallish one’s room, and the storage room became the smallish one’s room. He finally has a room of his VERY OWN, and the video I have of him screaming I LOVE IT is completely worth the hassle.

I thought I was done for a while, except for the storage stuff purged into the kitchen and the poor truck that needed emptied.

I was wrong.

The first night gave me a new respect for nurses in nursing homes where each grumpy patient has a call button. One needed medicine, the other chocolate milk. While I was in the opposite room, Orange Kitty decided to somehow unplug the smallish one’s TV. Screaming ensues.

While I’m fixing the TV, the tallish one shrieks from her room. The medicine I’d just given her included some oil for an ear infection, complete with cotton ball. The panic was…”my cotton ball just got lost down my ear and is stuck in my throat.”


I fished the cotton ball out of her sheets, assured her that cotton balls will NOT travel from her ear to anywhere else inside her. This was about the time something touched the back of my knee.

I screamed, she screamed, and her little brother bolted, yelling “I just wanted night-night kisses!!!”

Sometime a couple hours past bedtime, I finally peeked in on two snoring minions, in their own beds, in their own rooms. It was a tough decision not to take a photo of each, because they were just too darn cute…I’m pretty sure the flash would have woken them up and worn out the cuteness real quick.

I listened to a radio show that made me livid. My favorite voice-personalities were reading a list of things that The Boss looks for in a job interview that most people don’t think is ever an issue. They apparently polled a few hundred company owners, and these people revealed the things they judge you on that you might not know about.

Potential bosses can be evil, cruel bastards. Don’t get me wrong, most of the interviewers you encounter will be friendly and pleasant…but there are apparently some sadistic ones who don’t have a heart. Those who sounded off in this poll really made me glad I have a very cool boss and a string of freelance projects.

The following “red flags” these people look for were at the top of the list, meaning that approximately 25% of all interviewers are looking for them.

Split Ends.

Turns out they aren’t just checking to make sure you have a decent grasp of what “business casual” means. Many job interviewers are examining your hair for flyaways and split ends…which can apparently indicate a lazy person who doesn’t have enough responsibility to care for themselves.


Ok, let’s try out a scenario…I am out looking for a job because I’ve been living on Ramen Noodles for a month so that I can use every spare dime to pay for dry cleaning for my one and only nice suit to go to job interviews! Paying for a haircut is probably not high on my Blow Money On List.

Mister Interviewer, shouldn’t your attention be on my job skills, and maybe the fact that I am dressed appropriately and I don’t smell like a gym or a French hooker?

You know, if I came to a job interview wearing a purple and teal Mohawk, I could see the concern…but my dry from the West Texas weather hair shouldn’t be a problem.

Smudged Mascara.

Apparently, mascara and eyeliner smudged underneath your eyes (even a little, according to polls) gives your interviewer a glimpse into a party-girl persona. These interviewers admit to knocking perfectly qualified candidates to the bottom of the list if they can spot an imperfectly lined eye.

Geez…this one is wrong on so many levels. See, I could understand if these people got upset at Goth-worthy streaks of black running down our cheeks. But they’re talking about a bit of smudge under the eye.

What if it’s summer (which meant 104 degrees around here), and the interview is at 2 in the afternoon? No makeup can stand up to that!

What if it’s a person’s third interview of the day, or they had to dash from class/work/dentist straight to the interview? Want them to show up late because they stopped to retouch their eyeliner?

My favorite is my own reason for the constantly “smoky” appearance of my eyeliner…I wear contacts. Which means if a gnat sneezes, my eyes will water, rendering my perfect makeup a bit smeared. Simmer down, most people think that’s sexy!

Another contact issue: the wind. Dry eyes. Little drops you have to put in your eyes to see where you’re going. Again, moisture that destroys makeup.

This bears repeating…shouldn’t you be more worried about a person’s qualifications??

Cheap Suits.


Ok, if I could afford a $400 designer suit and new shoes, would I be here interviewing for an internship that pays peanuts while paying half of what I hope to be making from you to some teenager to keep my kids alive while I sweat it out with you, worried about my makeup and split ends??


Geez. I am so grateful for my random writing-for-a-stranger freelance jobs, my photography business that I run all by myself (thankyouverymuch), and my kick-ass editor at the paper…

Lots of people have asked me where I got the rant about restaurants and other places moving towards banning kids.

I read several before I got mad enough to come on here to suggest a ban on creepy uncles and generally vent about people who cannot handle the fact that there might be kids in public places…but here are a couple of the articles that sent me into my self-righteous Momma-is-Mad tailspin.

The No-Kids-Allowed Movement is Spreading

Stop Discriminating Against My Kid!

Restaurant Bans on Kids

BTW, I do think that people should teach their kids some manners and actually watch them in public…even I get a little upset at the never-been-disciplined kids who are released into the wild of a Wal-Mart to fend for themselves and crawl under bathroom stalls.

However, I have seen adults do the same (sadly that is completely true), and they’re all still free to roam the grocery store commenting on the tampons in your cart and running you down with their own…

I also don’t take my kids to a nice restaurant on a Saturday night or an R-Rated movie anytime. Most parents actually do show some discretion…heathens that we are 😉

How does everyone else feel? Am I the only one who would have a hissy fit if I got kicked out of a grocery store or fast-food joint for having a child with me on a random Tuesday afternoon?

OMG. I really thought I was beyond being shocked by the general masses…

Apparently not.

There are stores, malls, and restaurants now offering “child-free” hours, days, and even weekends. They’re catering to people seeking peace and quiet when they venture out into public.

Seriously, people???

Yeah, I get it. Kids can be annoying. They’re loud, sticky, and sometimes smelly.

So is your uncle. Can we ban him from the next table so that he’ll quit leering at me when I lean over to wipe a booger off my toddler’s upper lip?

Hey, we mommies aren’t petitioning for a ban on grumpy people who like to scare the bejeezus out of our kids for daring to smile at a stranger!!

Any of you childless peace-seekers ever consider that the frazzled mom who just ran over you with her basket and contaminated your sneakers with kid-kooties might just be trying desperately to get her groceries, get home to feed her kids, and get in bed herself in time to wake up and do it all again?

Try stepping aside and letting her pass. Try saying “excuse me.” Try not standing smack in the middle of an aisle considering the possible consequences of spending 8 cents a pound more on the “new better clumping” kitty litter for 45 minutes.

This just might be her ONE free hour in the day to do the shopping between naps and meals…and you want to ban her from the freaking store so you can hear the “clean-up in aisle seven” voices more clearly?

Afraid you might have to battle for the aisle with a person pushing *gasp* a stroller? Again, step aside and share the aisle.

That family trying to scarf down a meal with their kids at the next table might actually be trying to enjoy their first dinner out in months, and they just can’t afford the meal and a sitter on the same paycheck.

If you want peace, shop at midnight and glare at the people running the floor buffers. If you want quiet, shop with your iPod. If you want to not be near the breeders, stay home and buy your crap on eBay.

And to the stores who think this is a great idea…consider this. People with kids spend more money on stuff and don’t linger in restaurants…they have better things to do than occupy a table for hours pondering the best way to piss off other people.

Just sayin’.

You know those mock-old-fashioned drive-up restaurants with the speaker-boxes at each car stall and carhops on roller-skates?

For those of you from my area, it’s called Sonic Drive-In.

Ever notice that there is always at least a few of those boxes that are crumpled or even hanging by a thread (um…speaker wire)? And that most, if not all, of them have a few dents and crinkles?

I always thought this was due to the fact that there are so many drivers out there with absolutely no concept of the space they take up, or that just don’t know where their car ends and the rest of the world begins. I imagined the poor boxes were all victims of hit-and-run accidents left to be attended by a teeny-bopper on skates rolling around in circles wondering who ordered the melting slushie on her tray.

I was wrong.

The other day, I was enlightened to the idea that many of these boxes are the victims of revenge, caused by conversations much like this…

Voice-in-a-box: Hello, welcome to <insert-business-moniker-here>, how may I help you?

Me: Hi, I’d like a #2 with…

Box: Would you like mustard or mayonnaise on that?

Me: Mustard, with no let…

Box: Fries or Tots?

Me: Um…tots…but on that burg…

Box: What would you like to drink with that?

Me: A Diet Coke, and can you…

Box: Can I make that a large size for you?

Me: No, just…

Box: Okay, I have a #2 with Tots and a medium Diet Coke, anything else?

Me: Um, yeah, but on that first part I need the burger to be without lettuce or onions.

Box: Ok, add a burger with no lettuce and no onions…do you want that one with mustard as well?

Me: NO! That is the same burger!

Box: …is that going to be a combo as well?

Me: I don’t NEED another burger…that is how I want the FIRST one to be!!!

Box: So you need a #1 and not a #2…

Me: No…I just want a #2 with mustard, no lettuce, and no onions.

Box: Is this the order with the Tots and a Diet Coke?

Me: Yes! I also need a kids’ meal with a burger and…

Box: Fries or Tots?

Me: Apple slices.

Box: …

Me: …

Box: O-kay…do you want apple slices as a side, or the apple juice in a box?

Me: @#$%!!! Slices! Apple slices. Wedges. Cut up pieces of fruit in a package.

Box: So you don’t want any apple juice with that? We can also give you a small soda with a kids’ meal.

Me: Yes, do that…make it a Coke.

Box: What size?

Me: Know what? Why dontcha make it a SMALL?

Box: So we have a #2 with mustard, no lettuce and no onions, with Tots and a medium Diet Coke, and a kids meal with a grilled cheese, no mustard, with apple wedges and a small coke? Will there be anything else today?

Me: Yes, a double-tall screwdriver.

Box: …  …  …  Ma’am, I don’t understand.

Me: Never-mind…the order sounds right, and I need to add a large Dr. Pepper with extra ice.

Box: Great! Add some pepper poppers…will there be anything else?

Me: Actually, I just hi-jacked a carhop as she rolled by and took someone else’s order. Just remake the one you sent out. Thank you. That will be all.


And that, my friends, is why Sonic boxes have a short life-span.

Just a statement to start this one off…

I DO NOT have a problem with outsourcing!!!

I am paid quite often for articles and blog entries by people who are outsourcing.

However…there is a very simple concept that employers should keep in mind when hiring someone to work for them.


That said, why in the hell to major, multi-million dollar companies find it necessary to outsource their call centers to people who cannot speak English in a recognizable manner?  ENGLISH, not Engrish.

This is not a racist rant. I don’t know or care what the race, religion, nationality, or hair color of the person on the other end of the line is. I really don’t. What I do care about is that I am calling for a purpose, and need to be able to understand the person who answers the customer support line.

When I dispatched, one of the requirements for my job was to have the ability to speak on the radio and 911 phones in clear, concise English. I had to be understandable to work there. It was just a fact that if I couldn’t make myself understood by the people I was communicating with, I didn’t have a job. Period.

Therefore it was quite frustrating to spend the first ten minutes (after holding for twenty, but that is another rant entirely) trying to figure out what the hell “Gooaffanoo Mizz Tree” meant.

Four tries later, I finally assumed that “Good afternoon, Miss Tori” was a logical translation. The next forty minutes were much more of the same. I gave the phone to the shortest Minion for 5 minutes and they seemed to understand each other quite well. Unfortunately I don’t have a translator on retainer for him, either.

Thanks AT&T…you just made the Top 10 on my Shit List.

…and I still don’t have a working phone.

A Small Grammatical Rant

Posted: April 20, 2011 in Random Crap
Tags: , , ,

Am I the only one who is annoyed by people who frequently post things online, send emails, and etc. etc., without a clue how to type out a proper sentence?? I cannot open my web browser without having to read through dozens of bass-ackwards words, sentences that make no sense, and other things that I really thought was basic English.

I really don’t understand how “your” and “you’re” trip people up so badly…and thought that “their,” “there,” and “they’re” was fairly easy, too. Which reminds me to remind you…there is a difference between “to” and “too.”

I don’t mind typos, and I really am guilty of occasionally launching into a status update or comment that lacks capitalization and punctuation…but have we all really lost the basics?