You know those mock-old-fashioned drive-up restaurants with the speaker-boxes at each car stall and carhops on roller-skates?

For those of you from my area, it’s called Sonic Drive-In.

Ever notice that there is always at least a few of those boxes that are crumpled or even hanging by a thread (um…speaker wire)? And that most, if not all, of them have a few dents and crinkles?

I always thought this was due to the fact that there are so many drivers out there with absolutely no concept of the space they take up, or that just don’t know where their car ends and the rest of the world begins. I imagined the poor boxes were all victims of hit-and-run accidents left to be attended by a teeny-bopper on skates rolling around in circles wondering who ordered the melting slushie on her tray.

I was wrong.

The other day, I was enlightened to the idea that many of these boxes are the victims of revenge, caused by conversations much like this…

Voice-in-a-box: Hello, welcome to <insert-business-moniker-here>, how may I help you?

Me: Hi, I’d like a #2 with…

Box: Would you like mustard or mayonnaise on that?

Me: Mustard, with no let…

Box: Fries or Tots?

Me: Um…tots…but on that burg…

Box: What would you like to drink with that?

Me: A Diet Coke, and can you…

Box: Can I make that a large size for you?

Me: No, just…

Box: Okay, I have a #2 with Tots and a medium Diet Coke, anything else?

Me: Um, yeah, but on that first part I need the burger to be without lettuce or onions.

Box: Ok, add a burger with no lettuce and no onions…do you want that one with mustard as well?

Me: NO! That is the same burger!

Box: …is that going to be a combo as well?

Me: I don’t NEED another burger…that is how I want the FIRST one to be!!!

Box: So you need a #1 and not a #2…

Me: No…I just want a #2 with mustard, no lettuce, and no onions.

Box: Is this the order with the Tots and a Diet Coke?

Me: Yes! I also need a kids’ meal with a burger and…

Box: Fries or Tots?

Me: Apple slices.

Box: …

Me: …

Box: O-kay…do you want apple slices as a side, or the apple juice in a box?

Me: @#$%!!! Slices! Apple slices. Wedges. Cut up pieces of fruit in a package.

Box: So you don’t want any apple juice with that? We can also give you a small soda with a kids’ meal.

Me: Yes, do that…make it a Coke.

Box: What size?

Me: Know what? Why dontcha make it a SMALL?

Box: So we have a #2 with mustard, no lettuce and no onions, with Tots and a medium Diet Coke, and a kids meal with a grilled cheese, no mustard, with apple wedges and a small coke? Will there be anything else today?

Me: Yes, a double-tall screwdriver.

Box: …  …  …  Ma’am, I don’t understand.

Me: Never-mind…the order sounds right, and I need to add a large Dr. Pepper with extra ice.

Box: Great! Add some pepper poppers…will there be anything else?

Me: Actually, I just hi-jacked a carhop as she rolled by and took someone else’s order. Just remake the one you sent out. Thank you. That will be all.


And that, my friends, is why Sonic boxes have a short life-span.

  1. I’m giggling.. I can’t help it.

    It’s as if you channeled me.

    Thank you for the laugh.

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