Everything I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned from…Netflix?

Posted: June 30, 2011 in Random Crap
Tags: , , , , , , ,

There is really no need to go into debt for the rest of your life, unless you just want the federal government chasing you around forever wanting their money back on the “defaulted” student loans that supposedly were going to get you a degree that would pay for itself in a few short years.

College is not bullshit, don’t get me wrong…but for many, it is truly a waste of time and resources. I went to college. I enjoyed the experience, and I learned a few things. However, the most valuable lessons had nothing to do with the course material or with any professor I ever had. Now there was a prof’s assistant that taught me a few things once…never mind, that still didn’t have a thing to do with Geology.

Bartending at night, waitressing during the day, and dating actually taught me more than college ever did. Add a couple of marriages and children and I have a degree in Real Life that contains more knowledge and experience than any PhD. Unfortunately, I also have the student loan debt. I am on the fence about whether the cost of college is actually worth it or not. That is a debate for another post…

So, you want to learn how to make a living at something without the thousands and thousands of dollars in debt, the criminal record that is almost a prerequisite for anyone entering their 3rd year of college, and the four or five or twelve years of late nights, early mornings, stressing over grades, hours in the library, and creepy dorm guys?

You need $16.95 a month.


That is roughly the amount of a middle of the road, 3-DVDs-out-at-a-time, unlimited streaming membership with Netflix. And no…there is no Pell Grant for this route of higher learning, you actually have to pay the 17 bucks each month. However, there are no books and you can attend classes in your pajamas.

Let’s say you want to be a chef. You need a queue (nifty little list of discs you want them to mail to you) full of Rachael Rae, Paula Deen, and Emeril. Watch and learn. Simple, right?

There is even a cute little search box at the top of the Netflix page that allows you to search for movies and TV shows according to topic, actor, title, etc. So go ahead and search for Yoga, plan yourself an itinerary, and set out to teach Yoga to the huddled masses on the streets of Philly.

Note: Yoga classes in public are not well-received in Texas…ย  Country line-dancing is not well-received anywhere else BUT Texas.

Need a more lucrative, better paying job with more risks, but greater rewards? Sign yourself up for the entire 6 or 7 seasons of Weeds. The adventures of the pot-selling suburban housewife teaches you everything you might need to know about growing, selling, cover businesses, building a sales team, and covering your ass. You learn what to do with great detail and extra tips and tricks, and you learn what not to do by watching the mistakes of the characters and how they solve their problems.

You can consider the Master’s course of study by watching every episode of Weeds and moving on to some movies. Each movie counts as a graduate course, and include such classics as Pulp Fiction, True Romance, The Last Boy Scout, and Blow.

Not into growing or selling drugs? There are plenty of other courses of study in the Movies and TV Degree Programs.

Religious Studies? Rent the Passion of the Christ, The Gods Must Be Crazy, and Dogma.

Feel the need to be the Bonnie or Clyde of the next generation? Line up every Law & Order there is, and follow it up with Criminal Minds and CSI. These teach you what to do in the what not to do way. Advanced degrees require some full-length movies…again Pulp Fiction is a good choice, as is Once Upon a Time in Mexico and Reservoir Dogs. Actually, just search for Quentin Tarantino and “add all.”

Animal Rights? Check out Gorillas in the Mist and 12 Monkeys.

Have an itch to get into medicine (at least the under the table, fix it without a medical license kind)? Start with the diploma program that includes all the episodes available of ER, Grey’s Anatomy, Scrubs, and HawthoRNe. For a more advanced training program add House MD and the movie Medicine Man.

See? Everything you ever need to know, you CAN get from Netflix!

  1. mychildcan says:

    Wicked. Think i’m signing up to the University of Netflix… does that come with a cool uni jumper like i see in all the american movies??


  2. Lane says:

    Agree with you here. Sometimes I think my college degree wasn’t worth the student loan in debt. My job came to me thanks to work experience, not my degree.

    Someone should “Freshly Press” this on WordPress’s front page. Love the way your post is written!

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