Scorpion Karma is Ten-Fold…

Posted: June 7, 2011 in Living on the Back 40
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Apparently I did piss off the Scorpion King…

The other morning I woke up to my daughter’s unmistakable “oh dear…MOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!”

That is the alarm bell that is real…not the one that you hear when her brother steals a crayon, turns off the TV, or drinks the last of her orange soda. This cry of alarm is the one you hear when there is a wasp attacking her head, she is actually bleeding, or the dog has knocked her down…OR when there is a scorpion lying in wait just inside the door to the microwave in her play-kitchen.

The last one is what happened this time, the evil little bastard was just sitting in there alone on the beige plastic. Evidently the tiny microwave-shaped compartment just looked and felt like a homey new place for a scorpion nest. Probably a better bet than the hand-sprayer on my water-hose, but if you read the post about that one I’m sure you jumped to the same conclusion I have.

I did piss off the Scorpion King and I am being visited in ten-fold scorpion karma.

If it were the one incident I could shrug it off and say maybe coincidence (although I don’t truly believe in coincidence), but that hasn’t been the only tiny minion of hell that’s been hanging around.

A few days ago I interrupted one on his disturbingly militant march across the carpet in my bedroom, where the carpet was installed with them in mind…the tan on taupe mottled colors match the pattern and coloring of the back of the scorpions perfectly. Seriously, I could not use paint sample cards from a hardware store and come up with a better match! This one was marching purposefully towards the bed and I saw the slight movement of what looked like a carpet design.

This one got sprayed with Sevin…a few drops, because I realized I was out of that and he got shot with BugStop. The combination of the two made him drunk, he began to weave and bob as though attempting to avoid those carpet spots that looked so like him. Hell maybe he was drunk and thought he was weaving through a crowd of his evil little friends. I’m sure that the fact that we laughed at his drunken journey means that the scorpion karma is going to be even worse. He got put out of his poisoned misery with a watery burial in the toilet.

The one this morning is the one that has me convinced of my pre-determined haunting, though. If nothing else, it served as a great lesson to me and my daughter both, in the shaking and checking of any article of clothing before putting it onto your body…she was an up-close and personal witness to this attack.

I grabbed a pair of jeans from the bathroom floor where I had tossed them before I bathed, and proceeded to pull them on while I chattered with Cheyenne about something mundane (I think we were trying to recall all the lyrics to a Taylor Swift song). She reached and pointed about the time I noticed the little wad of hair or string on the jeans I was pulling on. She giggled and said she saw it and was going to get it for me…about the time it began shimmying up the leg of the jeans. I squealed like a girl and began shimmying the pants down my legs, and the race was on!

I won the race, thank goodness, there were no places easily accessible from his position that I would have cared to be stung at that moment. The scorpion and the jeans were quickly abandoned in a heap on the floor while I tiptoed into the hall for the pliers. For some reason critters scaring the daylights out of me causes an instant ninja-mode and I can’t move without tiptoeing.

Cheyenne had hit a ninja-mode of her own and made it onto the bathroom counter in a single bound. I was proud, she did it without knocking over a single thing and without the bruises on the butt that I had after my last leap of faith (from the snake…previous post). She didn’t even lose her flip-flops!!

Anyway, this scorpion followed his buddies down the toilet after I found him and grabbed his tail with the pliers. I briefly considered the Bugstop, but it was a clean (other than the scorpion apparently) pair of jeans and I hate laundry sooo much!

Y’know…I really hope scorpions can’t swim…

No one answer that, I think I want to remain blissfully and willfully ignorant on that one as I continue to flush the evil bastards.

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