Lessons learned in childhood cannot be erased…

Posted: June 5, 2011 in Random Crap
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

• Momma can reach across an 8ft dinner table and knock you out of your chair without getting out of her chair or spilling a single thing.

• A rusty nail in the foot doesn’t hurt until you see the blood. Actually, not much of anything really hurts until you see the blood.

• You will be very angry at the person who “let go” and sent you riding along happily on your first bike…as soon as you discover they let go and fall on your face. This fall will happen after you apparently rode half a block without assistance of any kind.

• Umbrellas do not make good parachutes.

• Brushing a cat’s teeth will result in an angry feline tearing through the house, foaming at the mouth, alarming any adults that aren’t fully aware of the situation.

• Cats don’t need haircuts.

• Poodles do need haircuts…but not by a 7 year old girl with safety scissors and foam hair curlers.

• Bath towels do not make good parachutes.

• Mud pies hold their shape better than sand pies. Sand pies taste better.

• Doggie biscuits are hard to chew, and don’t taste as good as sand pies. They do taste better than mud pies.

• Shampoo burns your eyes.

• If you live in a small town and get in trouble at school, your parents WILL know about it when you get home that day.

• Bed sheets do not make good parachutes.

• If you’re small, a recliner and an exercise trampoline can be transformed into a great slide.

• A waterbed makes a great raft in the middle of an imaginary ocean.

• The closet door can be left open, or left closed…it cannot be left ajar through the night. That is when the monster will be inside.

• Speaking of monsters, it is never acceptable to lay in bed with a hand or foot hanging off the edge. This is just an invitation for something to grab you and drag you under the bed.

• Anything can be made prettier with Lisa Frank stickers.

• Balloons and cats don’t mix. Neither do baths and cats. Or sprinklers and cats.

• Actually, cats are anti-social and hostile when introduced to just about anything that is not their expressed idea.

• Deflated air mattresses do not make good parachutes.

• An old semi-trailer is the perfect clubhouse.

• Fruit tastes much better when it’s stolen from someone else’s tree.

• Digging the cotton out of the side of a cotton module with a child sitting on top will result in a child buried under a layer of cotton…and at least one angry parent.

• It takes skill to eat ice cream and ride a bicycle at the same time.

• Ten helium-filled balloons tied together does not make a good parachute.

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Comments
  1. The Rungs of A Ladder says:

    Wow this is SOME list. To be noted! 🙂

  2. MOM says:

    You forgot to mention about being able to leap in a sigle bound from the light switch to you bed before the light acually goes out no matter how far the switch is from the bed……..and it is possible to sing “Jingle Bells ” from Lockney to Hot Springs AR. non stop………

    • Sparky says:

      Hey, something might get ya if you don’t make the bed before full dark!!! I needed a clap-light!! 😉

      …Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…..you should probably have taught me the REST of the song before that trip!! haha

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