Happily Psychotic

Posted: May 19, 2011 in Inside OCD
Tags: , , , , , , ,

My very soul is in my very failure.

I have OCD, and I have BPD. Both are me in so many ways that they cannot be taken without losing me. I am creative and passionate…and much of it is due to these flaws. I could medicate and therap-ize myself until I am “level.” But I wouldn’t want to know that boring, sunken-in-sameness person that would emerge.

I could easily rid myself of depression and lose the tendency to procrastinate. I could stop the habit of taking on 137 projects at once and finishing 3. I could stop making sure that things are grouped in odd numbers and save trees if I didn’t need to re-write my grocery list 7 times. I could hug friends and shake hands with strangers. I could fix myself into a person who doesn’t lose her temper and occasionally throw something glass into a wall.

I could… But I won’t.

Why? Because I would lose passion and the outrageous creativity that makes things I write and photograph less ordinary. I would be bored, and boring…and worse yet, I might not know or care.

Thanks but no thanks…I’ll stay crazy!! Ordinary scares me more than psychosis.

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