Scorpion Kings and Ninjas

Posted: April 30, 2011 in Living on the Back 40, Random Crap
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

One down, 837,000 to go, I’m sure.

Scorpions that is…the first one of the year, if you don’t count the one I rousted from his winter nest inside my hand-sprayer in the front yard. I’m not counting that one, though. He wasn’t much of a threat anyway, considering the many cold floods I gave his residence before I figured out why the sprayer wouldn’t…well…spray. By the time I diagnosed the issue, the thing was missing a couple of legs, one pincher-thingy, and it’s tail/stinger/weapon attachment was kinda crooked over to one side and twitching.

Well, crap.

I bet I pissed off the Scorpion King.

It’s going to be a long year, if that’s the case…and would explain why I found one of the evil creatures in the kitchen just now in April, when I didn’t see a single one last year until sometime around July, maybe even August.

Speaking of freaking out about things…okay, I wasn’t freaking out, but…

Never-mind, I’m just going to change channels.

I completely freaked out tonight…and if you know me, I’m really not the type to freak out. Except for clowns and centipedes…but everyone has their phobias.

Anyway, I was on the phone with my husband…sitting at my desk in the living room. TV is on with the volume low, the kids are asleep with their TV turned down low…and a woman yells something from somewhere in the direction of my bedroom.

Instant ninja-mode…I creep through the house (after whispering the problem to my husband), finding nothing. I finally find the culprit in the scanner I had left on, I was hearing a dispatcher.

…aaaannnnddddd my husband has to ask the question. “Got your gun?”

For the sake of honesty, (because I REALLY wanted to say, “Of course, locked and loaded,” or something equally cool and cavalier), I answered with the truth, “Nope, flashlight.”

Silence…followed by the voice he gets when he’s trying (unsuccessfully) to mask amusement, “In the house? With all the lights on? With guns, knives, at least one bat…?”

“Yes, dammit! With all the available weapons in the house with me…within reach…I veered out of my way to get the freaking flashlight, okay? MY ninja-mode requires lots of light, thankyouverymuch!!”

After I hang up the phone, still slightly freaked (not that I would have admitted it) but calmer, I sit down at the desk again. It is quiet. The scanner is off. A toy in the basket across the room (that I had jostled coming back to the living room) begins singing the Wheels on the Freaking Bus.

And so, here I sit typing with a pistol in the desk drawer, and a child’s toy (probably singing) somewhere in the front yard.

  1. Snailquake says:

    Definite basis for a horror movie, this! Or a sitcom.

    • Sparky says:

      Hehee, I think probably a sitcom. If it were a horror movie, I would be terribly unsuited for the lead character…I don’t run upstairs in slow-motion when something scares me. I grab a flashlight (apparently) and go after it! 😉

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